To Those of You Who Have Made Me Not Care

thanks for helping me realise that some friends just ain't worth it

Update!!

hey guys, not sure how many of u are still here but for those of u tt are, heres an update. guess i have sort of given up on many of my friends from ac and i really cant be bothered abt it anymore. id just get frustrated and well i decided tt my time and energy can be better used to hang out with friends who really care abt me and still want to stay in contact and on ministry wrk. so basically ive become more focused in using my free time to serve God like for PlayMax coming up and serving in my church more often. maybe God gave me these friendship probs so tt i can focus more on Him. like i always say, nothing happens without a reason.

now for those of u who noe actually wad was up with my friends, i guess u might tell me tt its my fault and stuff but rmb tt the story tt u are hearing is from their side and quite obviously biased towards them. so id of course come across as some jerk or loser or wadever. anws tts why i really cant stand pple who talk abt others. now tts not to say i dont, im human, of course i share my probs with others. but i always make a point to tell them tt this is my own perspective and tt it will be biased towards me. so their opinion abt tt person doesnt change. now wad im facing is a few pple are talking bad abt me and i guess it affects others and now everyone seems to hate me. well if u are one of those pple, srsly just come and talk to me and find out wad kind of person i am before making ur judgements. well anws one recent incident was the social experiment i was wrking on. u see, i was asking pple tt i was nv close to to meet up and i started it out with just asking the girls since the guys are in army and its harder to coordinate with them. so how was i to noe tt the girls would start talking amongst themselves and see me as some desperate guy. i even stated in my msg to them tt this was something i was trying out and tt if they dont wanna meet its fine. i think tt this social experiment has really turned into something else and i feel tt it is an even greater social experiment now. but its tough to hear tt ur actions can be so easily misintepreted and stuff. but of course im so glad to have my awesome friends still by my side.

ok anws ive chosen to ignore those pple and if u dont wanna talk to me, then so be it. as long as ive apologised, i think ive done my part. anws recently since ive last updated, i went for FOP 2011. had an awesome time there worshipping the Lord and was exposed to John Bevere, the speaker for the event. now him being American, his views are sorta different from tt of the normal Singpore church. his views on grace and the power of grace was very inspirational and it seemed true, though i still have my doubts. so i decided to get his book and read it proper. i havent even started yet but when i do, ill review the book here. now tt has basically wad has been going on with my life so far. been watching movies and recently went to STGCC 2011 and reviews on all of those things will be up on my blog soon. anws tts it for me for now. cya:)

tired

relationships are so tough. i just feel like giving up and going back to being my old anti social self. so difficult to try. getting really lazy. HELP!!!

Friends Pt. ??

hey guys, cant rmb which part of these long friends posts im at rite now but i think its either 3 or 4? anws wad i really wanted to type here is to clear up any misconceptions of my largely critised view abt friendship. i think this phrase sums it up. i care more abt my friends than the friendship. like i said before, im quite ok with friendships not wrking out. yes im sad tt its not there anymore but im ok with it happening. its just wad happens in life. but i do still care abt tt friend and i would pray for her/him still. they would still be pple i want to be happy. its just tt if u do not really wish to stay in contact with me or even to be friends, and i tried my best to talk to u but u do not respond or respond in a harsh manner, then i dont see why i would need to put in so much effort to salvage the situation when u cant be bothered to even reply me.

i do still care for u and if 10 yrs down the road u text me, id still reply as soon as possible. so its not really tt im totally fine with friendships not wrking out, but its tt if one party does not want to respond to the other, i dont see why one shld make so much effort since effort has alr been made but failed. i guess this is a way for me to noe tt my purpose in tt person's life has been over. so like in my experiment, im trying to meet up with all the pple ive lost contact with and if tt person is fine with not reconnecting, then im fine with tt. anws i just thought to come up and reiterate my stand and to clear any miscommunications abt my statement last yr. ok im going off now. cya:)

Social Experiment

hey guys, well to the few pple tt are still reading. anws ive recently started this mini social experiment where im trying to meet up with pple i havent seen in ages or was nv really close to for a meal. i guess since i got posted to this awesome posting having awesome wrk hours, i decided to use them productively to meet up with pple i nv had the time to. its part trying to see who would be willing to meet me even though we are not close and part me trying to see how God can use me to impact pple's lives. and i guess part me getting over the loss of my old friends? i really wanna do lots of things with my new found time and so ill be also trying to start up a new review blog on all things geek/nerd from tv to comics and all things pop culture. but again its sorta an experiment so ill only post the link here once ive gotten it going. this blog will still hopefully be functioning. its still gonna be dedicated to my thoughts and my sharings on how God has wrked in my life. i noe i sorta stopped on the qt thing but tts cos i find tt God has been talking to me on a personal lvl and in other ways so the qt thing doesnt wrk as well anymore.

so this blog will hopefully be still alive now tt i have more time. ok so to start this blog's new life again (is this v4.0 alr?), ill start with a sharing on how God has really impacted my life especially in ns. He has been all the more real to me in ns and really my fears abt backsliding were nothing. could really see how God kept me close to Him and brought me through everything. like i said in the previous post, He has really blessed me greatly and i really wouldnt be having such a relatively slacker time in ns without His mercy and grace. i could have easily been posted to either Cougar, Pegasus or even 1st Coy in tekong but through His grace, i got posted to the slackest Leopard where the warrants really blessed me. Again, His grace was showered upon me when He sent me to a stay out unit where i can go out everyday. so through His blessings, i decided i need to use them wisely so im starting to be more committed in helping out at CF back at ac and to help back at SYFC too. hopefully i can use this blessing to bless others too. ok tts it for me for now. gonna try to start tt new blog now. cya soon:)

:(

hey guys, guess its been super long since ive posted here. just felt like coming on and sharing my thoughts. dont think anyone is reading this now though. if u are just drop me a comment on the chatbox.

well to get things started, life has been awesome as usual. God has really blessed me in my life and tt can espcially be seen in my ns life. i was really afraid tt i would have faltered in my faith but it has been steady and to a certain extent even growing. even through the tough training ive made awesome friends and the sergeants and warrant officers were really awesome pple. when i ooc-ed it was even more fun making friends with the sergeants and the awesome clerk and fellow comic book nerd syafiq. and after tt, God blessed me with a stay out unit as an ammo supply asst. (storeman). so really theres nothing to complain abt regarding my life as a whole.

but really, im concerned abt my relationships. most of u noe abt my muchly controversial belief abt friendship, however the misconception is tt i dont care. this couldnt be further from the truth. yes i do accept tt my purpose in one's life is over but i still feel sad and maybe to a certain extent, heartbreak, abt a wonderful friendship lost. ive been going through tt a lot lately and i dont noe wad ive been doing wrong. if u noe me well, i used to be super introverted but acjc changed me a lot. now tt im out of there, i fear tt im returning to my past self. i rmb when i started this blog and i had really awesome friends to share this blog with. sad to say, i drifted away from some of them (thank God not all) in j2 and now tt we are out of jc, i think tt we are no more than aquaintances (and u noe i dont really believe in having aquaintances). im really concerned with wad i might have done to cause our friendships to die out and i noe tt i might have wronged them in some way (be it intentionally, unintentionally or just a simple misunderstanding) i really just need someone to tell me wad went wrong cos im really oblivious to wad happened. the friendship just stopped.

so yea im glad tt God has been good to me and really thankful. its just tt this aspect of my life has really been at the back of my mind throughout these past few months and i needed to get it out on here. dont noe if the pple who were such awesome friends would see this but i really hope so. i really thank God for reminding me too tt if its time for a friendship to end, its time to trust God to take care of the friends i held so dearly to and to trust God tt all will be fine as i typed this post. my role in tt person's life may or may not be over but everything is in His hands. when the pple feel its the right time to tell me, i guess they would. me am :( still though.

but to u awesome pple who have stayed with me all these while, supporting and encouraging me, i really thank God for u. my life wouldnt have been as awesome as it has been without u. hope tt God will continue to bless our friendship and tt it will continue to grow.

thanks for reading this. cya:)

Project Serve So Far Pt. 3

hey guys, well as promised again, this is my recap of wad i learnt last week at project serve and some thoughts on stuff tt has been my concern. ill start with the street e event on thurs. it started off with a really interesting with one of the most difficult person an evangelist can face. and mind u this was my first ever street e. this guy has been to church before but has turned away and now lives by his own value and justice systems. however, when he explained his value system and we pointed out flaws and contradictions in his reasoning, he said tt he knew tt there were contradictions and just didnt care. when asked whether if he was going to hell and could just avoid it by believing in the Lord he once knew, he said tt he didnt care whether he went to hell or not. in a sense this was a challenge mainly cos he was being illogical and unreasonable in a sense. i actually would prefer someone tt even though lives according to his own value system but can be reasoned to. so instead of sharing the gospel (since he alr had a vague idea of wad it was and didnt seem interested in being told it), we just talked a bit on his value system and got his contact. hopefully God can use me and SYFC to reach out to this guy. the rest of the day i met with a grp of sec 3 boys and a sec 1 boy. they were really willing to hear u out but the prob with kids their age is tt they just listen and are not really responsive. so it was not as interesting and it was difficult to see whether they really understood all tt u were talking abt.

God indeed has a way to push His point and make it clear to us. today's qt was on Acts 28:16-31 and indeed it shows how Paul preached even when confined in Rome, not turning anyone away and just preaching to anyone who would hear. i would say tt initially i tried to avoid contacting the first guy again since he seemed so distant and in a sense weird. but now after thinking abt it, i can see tt he needs God quite badly. not to say tt all of us dont but i can see tt he has something missing in his life currently and i feel tt he would be so much happier if he would just get to noe God and trust his life unto Him. so i have really decided to try my best to help this guy out.

well i was planning on sharing all ive learnt the past few days this week but i have something more pressing and troubling for me tt i have to share it rite now. the week's lessons i can share tmr. well actually im being overwhelmed with concern for 2 grps of pple. the CF in AC and my church's youth grp. im not sure why they are in such bad states really. im thinking why Satan is so intent on damaging these ministries so badly. or is it God training and prompting pple to stand up and take responsibility. well to start things off, i was alr concerned with the CF when i stepped down from the comm last year. as u noe, i am really devoted to CF and my heart is always there with them. actually the reason why is tt it was the ministry tt got me back and connected with God again and it was there tt i realised my passion to serve God and to commit my life into full-time ministry. so in a sense i felt uneasy leaving CF to the new comm. from the start of the interviews, we realised tt not many pple signed up this yr. so we didnt have much choice in the new comm as we needed them to fill certain rolls.

the new comm was mainly made out of young Christians with not many obvious skills. i mean for my comm there was the obvious Jiap who was awesome at pub and Zara and Eve who were awesome worship leaders, and the high Jan tt was awesome at planning meaningful and time killing games for the whole CF to enjoy. and the rest of us filled our roles pretty well with logs, admin, prayer and discipleship all being done well. so i was just hoping tt even though there was no obvious talents tt they would still fill their roles pretty well. but after our step-down service, when i went back for the CF session, i realised tt not the full comm was there. even before they took up their commship, when i was still in comm they didnt come regularly. well anws to keep a long story short due to the time, the comm was not only spiritually young (which is not their fault) but also uncommitted. the CF-ers were also not committed and i could see the numbers dwindle rapidly. but i was just hoping it was cos it was nearing their promos so the next year there would be more CF-ers.

so flashfoward to last wed when i went back to check out and help at the Open House. Ms Mai asked me over to the booth and when the comm suddenly all had to go to the toilet, she told me her worries of CF abt how uncommitted and spiritually immature they are. and from wad ive heard, its not just tt they are spirtually immature but also tt they do not see the need to grow. she asked me whether i can go back and help so i gladly told her tt she could always ask me for help. she seemed to really need the support and help and encouragement especially during this period. so tt started to get me concerned and when i went back for CF on fri, i had a long chat with qing and she had so many concerns and worries tt my heart really went out to her. she was frustrated over her comm and the Christian community in AC as a whole. they were the typical Christians only by name like those who would just swear like nobody's business but still calls himself a Christian. well tt is also a reason why there arent as many CF-ers. this also results in not enough manpower when it comes to events so she asked me to approach j3s to help as prayer warriors for the upcoming WUTS. to ask seniors to help would really mean tt they need help. so i gladly offered her my help. so with the CF in the current state it is with the uncommitted comm and the low numbers in a sch tts Christian community is srsly lacking, they really need our prayer and support. thankfully, the council is very helpful towards CF cos the president is a passionate CF-er herself. ill just continue to pray for them for a new big batch of passionate Christian J1s to fill the ranks of CF and for God to lead this grp of CF-ers. hopefully it isnt so bad as to turn the J1s away.

so keep the CF in ur prayers. ok its getting late so ill get into the church problems tmr. gonna sleep now. cyas:)

Project Serve So Far Pt. 2

hey guys, im back and as promised im going into wad ive learnt so far. just an update on life however, been busy planning to meet all my friends after wrk at night. so far met joanna today and meeting sarah on wed, cher on thurs and going back for CF on fri. tmr having BAK KUT TEH dinner with fam. have been craving bak kut teh for the longest time. anws hopefully i can confirm my meetings for next week and the week after soon. really have fun meeting up and catching up with friends. as u guys noe, i sort of prefer to meet up with pple one on one to just talk so it has really been a joy to just meet up with pple alone and not in groups where i can talk abt wadever.

ok so back to the point, the camp 2 weeks ago really spoke to me. basically it was abt other pple centredness, to take up the cross and deny oneself, and to be free to wrk for God. i have always seen myself to be someone who doesnt mind to inconvenience myself when it comes to helping friends. and although i try to do it often as i can, i might not be doing it all the time. i guess for myself, although i love helping other pple out, i dont really want them to rely too much on me or to take advantage of me. thankfully, after reflecting for some time, i realised tt i have been helping pple out out of love for them and not for selfish reasons. as most of u shld noe, in reality im not some egotistical proud guy though i make myself have this fake ego for pple to make fun of just for pple to have something to laugh at. so when i say tt i realised i have been helping pple out out of love, im not trying to boast or anything but im more of reflecting tt its a reflection of my love of someone. i noe its sometimes hard to gauge whether u love someone. since we are commanded to love even our enemies, how can we see tt we have truly loved them? so after reflecting abt the way i show my love, i actually realised tt it is an effective way to see whether u have truly loved someone. are u willing to go out of ur way and inconvenience urself just to help tt person do something? i guess if u are willing to put ur own self aside for tt person, u have truly come to love tt person. and by willing i dont mean begrudgingly.

then on fri at Connections, Mr Lim Chien Chong gave an awesome sharing on decisions and other stuff tt i cannot really rmb (forgot to take notes) but the main thing tt i can rmb now is tt truly one has to rely on God when making decisions and in one's everyday life. i rmb tt he was talking abt how one needs God in JC and i couldnt agree with him more. JC was the time when i really got connected to God and although it sort of stagnated at the end, it was a wonderful 2 years getting in tune with God. without AC i would have been aimless and not really having a relationship with God. u could say tt i was a good Christian in the sense tt i would having been making an effort to keep up God's laws but didnt really have a relationship with Him. He also made it so much better. after getting in tune with God, He gave me this peace tt His will is supreme and all i have to do is submit to it. He blessed me with this trust tt i could have in Him tt most pple would find difficult to do. i admit tt i did falter in my trust a few times but other than tt, i found tt it was this trust tt allowed me to submit myself to His will and not wry so much abt my studies which also allowed me to focus on my time in CF. i truly would not have survived without the Lord.

ok tts for the whole 1st week. lessons from last week will be posted tmr including today's lessons. its getting late alr so i gtg. cyas:)

Project Serve So Far

hey guys, this post was supposed to be posted up last week but i havent had the time. anws basically this post will be abt my past 2 weeks at project serve. ill be trying to post up once a day abt my life in project serve but when i cant, ill have a weekly one.

so the week started with staff meeting which was not bad but cos i didnt noe there was gonna be a msg, i didnt sleep enough the day before and so i was falling asleep. but after tt, i had an awesome time with my old ng of 2009, meeting up with my old ngls sophie and rachel again and with mano for the first time in a very long time. we had an awesome time of fellowship at settler's cafe at SMU and although it was a shame tt ian, ju and eve couldnt make it, it was a time well spent. so after mon came the super fun orientation camp with the cool project servants.

we had a nice time of worship and word about other people centredness at the YGOS place at woodlands and then we had the super fun (and tiring) "RACE!!" (which wasnt a race at all cos we all took our time (and my grp was last so we didnt consider it one so we didnt lose)) so it was basically a walk with tasks along the way, all leading to our campsite and the wonderful BB/GB Campsite which is actually where my church worships at. so i knew the area relatively well and had a fun time walking arnd 10-15 km to the various checkpoints and finally to the campsite. actually, something good came out of coming in last. since all the rooms were filled up, the guys in my group were given the air-conned bunk.

well on wed we had again worship and word and a time of reflection on the "Race" which really bonded the ministry together (just to clarify, we were grouped into our various ministries) we then had a raft building game which was fun except for the part where i was pumping up the inner tubes most of the time. it was an interesting lesson on how much we were willing to help and although it was a good activity to see how some pple would not go out of the way to help, there was a flaw in the fact tt there were too many pple in a grp so even if u wanted to help, there was no space to. i think the packing up was more fun for me but tts just me. and after washing up and everything we had another word session which was on freedom. Freedom from sin and into service. it focussed on like the secular contradiction of freedom and service but in reality, we have been freed from sin and now have the freedom to serve God.

ok its getting late and i have to sleep alr if not ill die at tmr's staff meeting. ill basically recap wadever happened to me this past 2 weeks but as of teachings and going into wadever ive learnt spiritually, ill do tt in tmr's post. ok so basically, this past week has been a time of learning new skills and learning of the word. on mon we had staff meeting, on tues we learnt camera angles and storyboarding and on wed we started filming for the advertisement for the PArts (Performing Arts) Valentine's Day Event. and on thurs we did street e which was super awesome. on wed we also learnt abt this evangelism tool called 2 ways to live which required us to memorise the whole tool and we had the test on thurs before we left for street e. ill talk more abt street e on the next post. on fri did devotions at bugis junction and finished filming for the advertisement. then we went back to edit. then on sat we did some additional filming and some editing and in the afternoon we had a thanksgiving session for those who helped out with CCIS last year where i met a few new friends and a new soon-to-be ACSian. oh yea the previous sat i did ultimate fristbee which was so fun. and i went back to acjc both on wed and fri for open house and CF respectively.

well tts like a summary of all i did the past 2 weeks. will talk more abt my growth in my spiritual life and wad i learnt tmr (hopefully). im gonna sleep now. cyas:)

CAMP!!!

hey guys, just a quick update. having the time of my life but struggling to fit all my friend meet ups with my busy schedule especially when some annoying ones cant confirm when they are available so i cant book my dates for them. anws going for camp tmr till thurs. quite excited!! anws pray for my safety and health and tt ill draw closer to God. thx guys. cyas:)