Vids To Pass The Time

hey guys, with rew, funorama, hmwrk and all the stuff going on, i really dont have the time to type out long blog posts so just to update u guys, today had a really really really really looooooonnnnnggggg meeting. finished at 6+ and got back home close to 8. really tired but need to finish hmwrk so gonna stay up to finish. well tts basically wad happened today. well before i leave here's some vids for u. the first is the full trailer to the film tt we will be showing for rew and the other one is one of the best music vids ever!!!





cyas:)

Emo-ness Pt 2

hey guys, after talking to stef awhile i realised why im really emo rite now. i get really affected by the pple arnd me so like when i noe of pple tt are emoing i get emo too? tts why i decided to swear off fb rite now cos everyone's posting emo comments. well the main reason why emo pple make me emo is cos i really feel helpless in helping them. i mean i do wad i can but i always feel as though i can do more, u get wad i mean? but i dont noe wads the more tt i can do. which sucks. well so now my prayer request is not for me but for all the emo pple tt u noe. pray for all those pple emoing rite now cos tts wad will make me stop emoing. anws im repeated listening to Better Than Life by Hillsong now to ease the emoness. well k i need to finish up my gp essay now. cyas:)

Emo-ness

hey guys, dont noe why but today im feeling really emo. dont think its my results cos ive really entrusted everything to God and i dont really care abt going for ssp. just really feel this heavy burden and i dont noe wads its caused by. im like feeling so emo tt im listening to Graduation (Friends Forever) by Vitamin C. noe tt song? tts how emo i am. im not sure whether its meant to be an emo song but its always emo to me cos its like when u leave ur friends then u sing this song. AAARRRRGGGHHH!!! dont noe why im feeling this way. i think im being affected by all the emo pple arnd me. pls pray for me. btw if u are interested in my results, 17/50 for maths and 38.5/60 for chem. really proud of chem. im quite sure im failing phys tmr so im gonna be in ssp. well dont mind if it doesnt affect my CF duties so im fine with it. k then im gonna go back to my emo-ness. hopefully ill feel better tmr. cyas:)

21/03/10

hey guys since i typed so much yesterday, im gonna take a break today cos i just realised i gotta go sleep now. cyas tmrs. SCH REOPENS!!! HELLLOOOOO FRIENDS!!! cyas:)

WHY RELATIONSHIPS SUCK!!!

hey guys, first non-date title in like quite some time. couldnt think of titles in the past so decided to name them after the dates but today's topic totally rocks so i decided to name it just tt. well this will be one of my infamous (if u can consider it tt) ranting posts so sit back and prepare to read ALL my thoughts. some of you (mainly 1 person *cough*poh*cough*) said tt my posts are so short so heres a long one for u.

well judith asked me bout subway girl today and it really got me thinking of how relationships suck. i mean u guys noe wad kind of relationships i mean. i think most of u tt have been in a relationship will agree with me and those of u tt are in a relationship rite now would violently disagree. and there are those very blessed pple who have nv been in a relationship before. actually, im not really talking abt relationships as a whole. of course the times when u are tgt are totally awesome. if they suck why even be in tt relationship rite? the crux of the issue is the start (wooing?) and the end (the BREAK-UP!!!)

the start of most relationships start with one party liking another party of the opposite gender (im not even going to mention abt the scenario with the same gender...whoops just mentioned it) and this can obviously turn into several scenarios (wow this is like totally turning into an analysis of relationships). theres the wonderful scenario where the other party turns out to like the first person and they live happily ever after. then the sort of troublesome scenario where the guy/girl has to woo the other person for some time and tt other person suddenly finds out tt she/he likes him/her. (ok for simplicities sake im going to start referring to the first person as a guy and the other person as (obviously) a girl). and after she likes him they live happily ever after. as a guy personally, tt scenario isnt too bad. i dont mind chasing a girl and going out of my way to do things for her (since i alr go out of my way to do things for everyone (not bragging just stating a fact)) so if i get the girl in the end im totally fine with it.

the worse case is when the girl after u chase her still doesnt like u. i mean u cant blame someone for not liking u. it might just mean tt tts not the one tt God has planned for u. im totally fine with tt. its just tt its frustrating. im sure most of u noe how it feels and like u feel (i feel anws) tt u are not loved. tt feeling is really horrible and its just totally crappy. obviously u are loved but during tt period of rejection u feel as though u are not able to be loved cos tt person doesnt like u. and tts why relationships suck. the process of getting into a relationship most of the time is guess work and anticipation and hoping only to be disappointed in the end.

then the middle of the relationship. ok first things first...to quote the zara monica weeeeeee "why cant we be dating and not be together". together in the sense of bf and gf and i totally agree. i mean i was going out with subway girl but i wasnt tgt with her. theres a total difference. and so getting back on point, the relationship im talking abt also includes the dating period and not just the period of time tt u are tgt. so the dating period of course is wonderful but i faced this problem when i was going out with subway girl. i could nv really see myself getting tgt with her for a long term. the thing was i didnt really noe how to say it. i mean when we were out we totally had fun but i just couldnt see it long term (btw im sure most of u tt noe the story noe tt it wasnt the breaking up but how we broke up). and tts the problem during the dating periods. what if u find out u dont see urself tgt with the girl long term. u enjoy going out with her and obviously u want to stay friends with the girl even if u arent tgt but how do u say tt?

and finally the end. im sure tts the worse part for everyone of us tt have been in a relationship except for the blessed few tt are still on good terms with their exs. well i dont really have to say much abt how sucky the process of the break-up is cos its pretty much granted. i didnt really have tt experience though but i think i got something worse. i really think tt a silent break-up is worse than a normal break-up cos u dont really have the closure u need. its like there isnt any chance at all to stay friends and like both of u are totally cut off from one another's lives. and like as u guys are Christians, the pple we date are also Christians and isnt it awful when u cut another Christian from ur life? totally sucky. and then there are some of us tt have the regrets of how they ended (ME!!!), why they ended, why i ended it? and other regrets after the whole thing has ended even yrs after the whole thing has ended and it can haunt us until we find another person which may take yrs and the whole cycle starts all over again. i mean ive put away and sort of come to terms with how it ended with subway girl but once in a while it comes back to haunt me again.

and this is the whole ongoing horror cycle of the relationship. so i have decided after long long hours of thinking tt i entrust my the ONE to God and whoever he has planned for me will come. i dont need to try to chase a girl and force a relationship to happen. these feelings may be just temporary and only love tt is in God is eternal. so why chase after something tt is temporary when God has someone planned for u. all tt u have to do is wait on Him to show the ONE to u. for now, im just happy cos i noe tt im loved. ive got wonderful friends all arnd me tt i noe all love me and ive got the ultimate love EVER!!! LOVE ITSELF!!! GOD!!! wad more can i ask for? and those of u tt still have regrets over past relationships, on opportunities lost, trust tt God has a plan for all this and tt if tt lost opportunity is truly the ONE God has planned for u, he wont be lost in ur life and He will put him back into ur life. but if he is not the ONE, then let God show u who is.

well ive fully preped myself for essay writing now. ill be writing another long essay maybe next week when i have like an hour to kill. i think tts arnd how long it took me to think and type this all out. maybe slightly less but u get the pt. an update on today is tt im totally dead tired cos of the 2 tuitions. ill nv have 2 tuitions on the same day ever again. it totally killed me!!! well tts it from me today. hope u are happy with the long post poh. cyas:)

20/03/10

hey guys, gonna try to keep it short today. first things first, since jan wants it... YOU ROCK JAN!!! haha she totally helped me with the movie and stuff so must really thank her for keeping me sane. well, today wasnt spent really productively. though i managed to do some wrk it isnt much so im gonna continue tmr after tuition. really need ur prayers for tmr cos ive got phys tuition at ghim moh at 2-4 and chem tuition at bishan at 5.30-7.30 and after tt ill be going for my grandma's birthday dinner so really need the energy and tts why im keeping it so short today and im gonna turn in earlier than usual. k then guys. cyas:)

18/03/10

hey guys, yesterday was too tired after coming home to blog. spent the entire day with judith, minfeng, poh and jotham watching movies and whose line. too bad jotham had to go earlier. really had a great time of fellowship and got to noe minfeng better since i havent really had a chance to talk to her before yesterday. tts the great thing abt getogethers like this cos although u see someone all the time in sch and are like considered "friends", u dont really get the chance to talk to each other with the busy sch life and things like tt. so its really great to have getogethers and i cant wait for the next one.

so today was totally spent watching movies for rew and i think we will be screening john q as the movie most prob (keep it a SECRET!!! SSSHHHHHHHH!!!) at night zach (my p5 godbrother) came over to play wii so i played wii from 7+ all the way till 10 and had a good talk with my godmom (cos she brought zach over) too.

well im gonna have to start doing my tuition hmwrk and on my chem hol hmwrk cos im gonna be having tuitions on sat so i wont have time to do my hol hmwrk too. thankfully its mcq so shld be fast. k then im gonna turn in now. i promise to sleep earlier tmr nite cos i will need to get used to the timing again before sch reopens. pls pray for me tt ill have the discipline to finish my wrk and especially pls pray for the comm as all of us are busy with rew so pray tt rew will be carried out smoothly and according to His will. rew will be one of the few big platforms for evangelism to the school body this yr so its quite a big thing so we will need ur prayers. thanks guys. cyas:)

16/03/10

hey guys, today was spent basically on the com. had tuition which was interesting and went out for dinner with my parents. bought Mass Effect 2 so quite happy. just confirmed today too for my phys tuition. cos he's not having lessons next wed he'll be having a lesson on sat so ill be having 2 tuition lessons on sat so ill be really dead after the whole thing.

its been a really long time since i did a post on my qt here so heres today's qt. well today's qt is abt being thankful IN everything. the reason why i emphasised "in" is cos the qt is talking abt how although we cannot be thankful FOR everything, we can be thankful IN everything. i mean obviously its almost impossible to thank God for everything rite? i mean if i got cancer would i be, thank you Lord for giving me cancer? of course not. but to be thankful IN everything means tt i am thankful when God gives me cancer cos i noe tt from tt there will be some good tt comes from it. u guys noe how i always believe tt everything happens for a reason so even if i got cancer, God has a plan for it and good will always come out from it. so i can be thankful in tt situation but obviously not for the cancer. does tt make sense? haha i rmb i kept on saying "does tt make sense?" during my sharing. well so lets all be thankful IN every situation we face, be it good or bad cos we noe tt good always comes out from it. and fyi, i dont have cancer.

k its like super late now and ive gotta wake up at 7.30am tmr so tt i can be at judith's house by 9 for a movie marathon. cant wait. hopefully i wont oversleep like on mon and hopefully tt was a once off thing. well got a new alarm clock at least to help me wake up. haha k then. cyas:)

15/03/10

hey guys, today was a totally embarrassing day. well i overslept today and woke up at like 11+ when i was supposed to have comm meeting at 10 all the way at buona vista when i live in sembawang. if u noe me im usually on time for any cf stuff and like its rare of me to be missing. so the comm ltr told me tt they were like really worried something happened to me or tt i died or something cos im nv missing and like i didnt pick up my calls cos well i was asleep. tt really made me feel guilty and totally embarrassed but well...theres a first time for everything. even including oversleeping. and well...now i noe how much the comm cares for me(not tt i didnt noe tt before). i think its the first time i have ever overslept. the main cause of this whole fiasco is my stupid phone's alarm clock cos for some apparent reason, it didnt sound.

so after waking up and filling the comm in on the progress of the movie over the phone, i rushed down to sch by way of cab (cost me 16 precious bucks) and made it for the last part of the meeting. after tt we went to the swensens at holland for lunch and after tt i went to nlb at bugis to try to study. in the end i spent most of my time playing on my iphone but at least i still managed to complete a few ques on my tuition hmwrk. well went to plaza sing to meet my mom and my sis for dinner at ice monster (which was only mediocre) and came back home after my sis finished her drum lessons over at the yamaha at ps. then spent the rest of the night watching vids and planning the ngs.

well tt was my epic day today with the monumental occasion of oversleeping and missing some activity. i mean ive overslept before but not when ive got something on. well tts it from me today. tmr ive got maths tuition at 4(not sure whether to be sian or nots) and im hoping tt ive got the time to have a movie marathon to scan through the movies tt ive found to hopefully find a suitable one for rew. well gonna turn in now. cyas:)

14/03/10

hey guys, had a great time today l4d2-ing today. really really enjoyed myself. service before tt was great too. helped as an usher today and cos i didnt have the time to change i went laning in my usher clothes.

today has been a really great day and i really thank God for blessing me with such great friends and for giving me this great day. after service i went for lunch with pastor edmund and we discussed abt my ambition to be a youth worker. he told me the pros and cons between trinity and sbc so now i can really make a decision on which college to go to to pursue either a masters or a degree in theology. for now the plan is to get a secular degree in psychology in either smu, nus or jcu (james cook) and then take a masters course in sbc (since sbc only offers masters courses). if in the future i plan to be a pastor in a mainstream church then i might go to trinity after tt but since im only planning to be a youth worker, i wouldnt need to graduate from trinity. so tts my plans for the future as of now. hopefully this wanting to be a youth worker isnt a phase just like my plans to be a game programmer and tt it really is my calling cos i really want to devote my life's work to God. since my passion is to further God's kingdom, i dont really have any interest in any other job except maybe in counselling or something similar to tt.

well today has also been great cos of one last thing tt happened today. u noe abt how im not really interested in the girl i liked? yea i apologised to her today abt the way i acted cos i felt tt i really made it quite awkward and i felt really guilty abt it cos i acted totally wierd. anyways she knew tt i liked her and thankfully we are on good terms now (hope u dont mind me saying this on my blog if u see this, girl tt i liked). the thing was tt i was really afraid tt she would just cut ties with me cos of the awkwardness (which i would not have blamed her for, but i suspected she wouldnt cos she's really nice) and thankfully our friendship has not really suffered from my foolishness.

i noe i havent had a good track record with handling how i express my feelings to a girl i like and i noe tt i make it really awkward. i think it has to do with some scarring from subway girl? haha just kidding...or am i? well wadever the case may be, i just suck at relationships tt go further than friendships in general. hopefully tt changes but oh wells... at least ive got great friends. like who needs a gf when u have so many many many great friends tt u can always talk to. i really thank God for blessing me which such great friends.

well tts my awesome day today. hope u guys are having similarly awesome days too. tmr's theres gonna be comm meeting in sch at 10 so ive gotta wake up at 8 so im gonna turn in now. cyas:)

13/03/10

hey guys, today was quite an uneventful day, woke up at like 1pm and went for tuition at bishan which started arnd 5.30. was quite good but i was quite lost cos he was like going through electrolysis and i totally didnt care abt tt topic last yr since it wasnt tested for promos. so it was good to learn wad i had missed.

if u wanted an update on tt friend thing i talked abt yesterday, i think u might have noticed on my cbox tt we are on good terms. i was a bit tired yesterday so i got quite pissed when she reacted so hostily so i had to talk abt it on my blog (sry tt person) but everythings fine now and ill keep praying for her.

so other than those 2 things tt went on, nothing much happened. OH...just rmbed my dad just went to cambodia to do some stuff tt i cant really recall wad but he might be meeting the drama pple from ac so tts quite cool. but i dont really noe any drama pple (except maybe ishaan and i really dont want anyone to noe i noe him) so its not tt big a deal. well im gonna turn in now since theres church tmr. pastor edmund's coming to speak so tts quite cool. OH!! and im helping usher tmr since the actual usher has to go for RTC camp (so like tmr church is gonna be so few pple since as most of u noe my church's youth grp is like made up of 99.99999999% bb and gb girls with me and my sis the oldest youths tt came from the church so the attendance tmr will be like so pathetic) k then cyas:)

hey guys, really good day today tt might have ended badly. anyways more on the good things first. went playing l4d2 and had loads of fun. been a really long time since i played it but i realised tt i need to get tgt with good players also so tt i can finish a campaign. i mean its fun to play with great friends like jan and jia lei but we always get killed quite easily so im looking for some new partners in l4d2 to play with too. after tt went to buy comics and then had to rush back to sch cos someone caused me to be late. rushed back to prep for my sharing and my heart. well thank God my sharing went well and i think tt the cf-ers benefited from it (hopefully). met some new j1s and managed to have a good time of fellowship with them and had a great time of fellowship today as a whole. so basically the day was going fine.

on a side-note, some exclusive behind the scenes to my prep for my sharing. shared a bit of this to my ng today. well the thing is tt when i realised i had to share abt attitude for evangelism, i realised tt my attitude in the past was nv really good. i sort of did it out of obligation and cos pple were looking at wad i was doing. the main times tt i tried to evangelise were during youth camp and cos i was a group leader i felt obligated to evangelise. there were a few times when i did have the right attitude but those were few and far between. so when i started my prep, it was kinda tough. and cos i didnt have any material to help me and like i had to start from scratch, it was even tougher. thankfully, God spoke to me in many different ways. through sermons in church, devotions in sch or just incidents tt happened to me, i drew so many thoughts from it and immediately took note of them in my iPhone (thank God for my iphone). its really awesome of how God can speak to u and through the prep it helped me rmb these right attitudes too. btw actually i wanted to add perseverance and prayer to the list of attitudes but it didnt fit the acronym but those are 2 attitudes tt i find are really impt too. and i was going to use a analogy abt how we venture to sell our funorama tickets so all the more we shld venture to share our faith but it slipped my mind at tt pt in time. i was like totally nervous at the start but it got better as it progressed but still i was nervous. but thank God tt He still managed to use a nervous wreck like i was.

anyways i was just talking to a friend tt i always thought i was quite close to and like someone i really care abt but i dont noe why but the convo took quite a bad turn. not sure whether i got her when she was alr in quite a bad mood or our relationship has changed but its not something to bother myself rite now. ill settle it tmr and if it still persists ill bitch abt it here. so ill let u noe how it goes. well im gonna turn in now so cyas:)

hey guys, today was quite a fun day after being bored for a few hrs at home. after waking up arnd 11 and using the com, i asked jia lei wad he was doing and he kept on asking me to join him, jeannette and ester to go watch alice. well sad to say it wasent a really good movie but i still had fun talking and hanging out with them. well tts basically wad i did today.

todays qt really struck me cos its wad im always amazed tt happens. u noe how we always learn things like how we shld trust God and stuff especially during a period of stress then when u get stressed out again u forget the lesson and forget to trust God? then amazingly God reminds u again and u rmb to trust God. but the cycle repeats itself over and over again. i mean of course w always make a point not to forget but we are all human and sooner or later we forget again. but the amazing thing tt i find is tt God is so patient and loving tt he constantly reminds us. i mean we forget things so easily and God could just say tt He reminded us alr and its our fault tt we forget the lesson but He is so loving tt He still reminds us after countless times of forgetting. isnt tt really amazing? or isit just me?

well tmr going to l4d2 (WEEEEEE!!!! all u pple tt i asked and said u were busy, its ur loss:P) so im gonna have a great time tmr. then im gonna be sharing during cf so pls pray for me guys. hopefully i can do a good job and glorify Him through my sharing. k im gonna sleep now. cyas:)

hey guys, terms are finally over!!! YAY!!! wells the upside is tt i get to slack now but the downside is tt i have nothing to do!!! since most of my friends take bio, i couldnt go out with anyone today. so i spent the whole day today on the com. and its just tt i find i dont get the same enjoyment out of being on the com as i did in the past. dont get me wrong i still enjoy using the com but its not the same. i really need to be arnd friends. at least i get to meet everyone on fri.

i dont noe why but its always times like these when i wish i had a gf. i guess its mainly the lack of human interaction talking since i noe i dont really want a gf rite now like i said in one of my past posts. sigh...i noe i still can msg my friends but its totally different from meeting them and talking to them face to face. well its only one more day but im gonna be so bored tmr. well its all part of life and at least i still have God. i cant imagine how non-Christians go through these times of loneliness. well its getting late now so i guess im gonna turn in. all the best to all of u still having papers. oh btw ill be sharing on fri so pls pray for me. thx guys. cyas:)

hey guys its getting late so im just checking in before i turn in. ltr im taking my LAST PAPER!!! YAY!!! but its the paper tt i dont even noe wads going on in. hence my fb status if u noticed. the physics department in acjc cant really teach!!! i mean they are nice pple and all but i dont really get much out from the lessons so im gonna be starting on physics tuition soon.

anyways todays qt was abt busyness abt the story abt Mary and Martha and although i find tt we shld always be like both Mary and Martha to a certain extent (like every good GP student noes there shld not be an absolute) cos well if no one wrks to prepare the place for God to wrk, the place is not prepared. so we still must be a bit like Martha in tt we shld prepare the place but we shld not be like her in tt we forget abt God through our busyness. and tts wad i find myself doing lately, especially in CF. i think ive said tt i find myself getting distracted during CF thinking of how NG time shld be conducted and everything so this passage really spoke to me. i really feel tt i shld be enjoying God's presence more during CF instead of bothering abt how to settle the next thing and just let God handle everything. i mean ill do my best to prepare beforehand but i have decided tt when CF starts, ill stop wrying abt wads happening next and just let God take charge. ill still help settle stuff during CF if the need arises but ill not wry abt it until the need arises. i really want to enjoy CF like how i used to enjoy it when i could just enjoy the fellowship with God.

this really opened my eyes and like even now with the NGs and stuff i have decided not to wry abt it so much and ask God for help cos wad can i do without the presence of God in it? how much can i do? well ill just entrust all this things to God and let Him use me for His wrk and not be too busy tt i forget Him. isnt it ironic when u forget God when u do things for Him. its not only ironic but also quite sad i find. so tts my resolution for the new month and ill just let go and let God. k im gonna turn in nowz. cyas:)

hey guys, today's the killer day. maths and chem both h2s. im so gonna be dead after today. anyways im feeling a bit better since yesterday's rant and i really thank the people arnd me for helping me through this bad time in my life. i dont think anyone other than a certain someone has realised tt ive come out of hiatus so i guess u will see this when u see it. anyways im sort of lost in a state of shld i care? but i dont really care dilemma abt my studies. its just tt i feel tt i shld be caring more than i alr do abt my studies but in truth i really couldnt care less. i just feel tt as long as i do my best why wry bout the paper? but i always feel tt i shld be stressed out or something cos pple arnd me are stressed out over their papers which i dont get at all. and some pple are asking me to study more. i totally get why they are asking me to study cos they are worried for me but im just doing wad i think is necessary especially since terms dont really matter.

well if any of u want updates on my love life btw it is in a total state of nonexistence since i realised tt i dont really think of her as someone tt i would want to get tgt with even though i might still have feelings for her? does tt make any sense wadsoever? well its just tt although my heart may skip a beat when i see her i cant really see us tgt and well i guess its for the best anyways since i doubt she has any feelings for me. i guess this would be the first time any of u would noe this so SURPRISE!!! im no longer emoing bout a girl anymore. but im still emoing as usual over other more impt stuff. so all u speculators can stop speculating who it is and all of u tt alr noe who the girl is can just pretend it nv happened cos its not happening. so im single once again (lucky girls rite?) but i really dont see myself getting into a relationship anytime soon (awww too bad girls)

anyways enough of my fake egoness (its fake u noe tt rite?) and its time to sleep. so im gonna turn in and hopefully ill be wide awake tmr to take my 2 papers tmr. and hopefully i dont disappoint ryan (my chem tutor and obviously not ranjiv singh, u noe how i feel abt the extra sji boy) k then cyas:)

HIATUS OVER!!!

hey guys the long dreaded hiatus is finally over. wad really got me to start writing again is tt i really felt tt my life was going through a crappy stage. its like i dont really noe wads wrong just tt something is wrong. well terms are gonna start in a few hrs but thankfully the papers tt i have today arent tt bad. anyways as most of u noe i dont really get stressed out over my studies so tt cant be the reason im feeling crappy right?

well maybe cf is tiring me out. i sometimes find myself asking whether im doing more than wad is expected of me. so maybe its just my own fault im tired out. my portfolio is alr so much and maybe im too nice or wadever trying to help my other comm members out but isnt tt wad i as a comm member shld do? i mean if i see tt someone needs my help obviously i cant just leave the person to do it by themselves. if i can help why not help rite? actually i think tt the main thing tt totally crapped my life are the j1s. i mean the j1s are totally cool and i love them but i just dont noe how to do things to accommodate them. like the ngs. oh my pong the ngs. THE NGS!!!!!! tt totally stresses me out. finding the ngls and sorting them out was totally tough but now tt ive gotten the ngs totally nicely in place, i cant find ngls tt are willing to take up the responsibility. i mean the responsibility isnt tt much but if they feel tt it isnt wad God has in store for them who am i to argue? its just tt its really tough to find regular CF-ers who are able to be ngls. i mean if i can get the councillors to be ngls my life would be so easy but they arent regular cos of their council stuff and there are other pple tt i would like to use tt are just too busy.

just to make a slight tangent, i realised something today tt made me come back to writing. is life so crappy tt i have no time to write or isit crappy cos i dont write. i mean after i started this blog my life really was more lifted cos i could express my feelings but after getting too distracted with my life i didnt really get to express my feelings. i tried talking it out with my good friends but its really different when u get to type it out. and so back to the point abt my crappy life. i think another part abt cf tt stresses me out is tt im wondering why pple cant help me when im like going arnd helping pple. not to name names but sometimes its just so hard when u ask for some help and their reason why they cant help is tt they are too tired or some other crappy reason. i mean arent i tired too? and then u tell me because u are too tired why not just scrap the whole idea and then u blame me as ur reason for scrapping the idea in the first place. why not u just tell me tt u are too tired and tt i shld go by myself to get the stuff. i mean its better than telling me to scrap the idea. i dont want to praise myself or anything and i dont really care whether u noe wad i do for cf cos all tt matters is tt the pple tt matter noe but i went to buy stuff for the cf welcome tea even though i was really sick. i mean those of u tt saw me sick knew i was totally zoning out and dying but i still went out of my way to get the stuff. and u give me this stupid reason tt u are too tired? i mean of course u give me tt reason i wont force u lahs but come on. i noe tt u are stressed out and busy with ur sch wrk but cant u just help me out abit?

dont get me wrong. i love helping other pple out be it for chapel or the birthday stuff but why cant anyone help me when i need it? its just so screwed up. actually im not really pissed at the comm as pple cos i really really love them but its just their wrk ethic mainly tt pisses me off. in some sort of way i feel tt our portfolios are so different tt basically when we wrk we are sort of segregated. i mean decisions we will always make as a comm but when it comes to our individual portfolios such as discipleship or worship, its all just the pple in charge. so tts why there is not much help given in between each area of cf. well tts wad it may seem like but we still can help each other even if we dont noe the other area well. its just tt i dont see much of this help given rite now. and i dont noe why tt is. maybe its just me. maybe its not. how shld i noe.

i just find myself so stressed out over cf tt even during worship im busy msging the ngls abt ng time and trying to settle stuff (sry ngls) so i just feel tt there is a lot of burden as the discipleship ic cos like the whole running of the cf session is under my portfolio. the schedule the speaker the topic are all under me. wad one comm member said also has given me some stress. i mean its of course a valid point(all her points always are) but she asked me to make sure ng time is fun. tt sort of gave me additional stress cos i have given ng time up to the ngls to carry out as and how they like it and i dont really want to usurp the authority tt i have given them in a sense. like i dont want to tell them how to run their ng time. so now the stress tt i have is tt wad if ng time is not fun or even good? i mean before the j1s came in everyone knew each other and just had fun talking but now if the j1s dont have fun or does not enjoy ng time, would they come back again? and if tt is the case am i to blame? if the topic does not seem exciting or fun and the j1s are turned off by it am i to blame? am i to blame if the cf meeting does not go well? actually i just figured out wad is wrong with me in cf. i keep on thinking whether i am to blame and it just puts on the burden.

well ive ranted off quite a bit and i sort of have more things to say but its getting late and ive got papers tmr so im gonna go off rite now. cyas:(