hey guys, since mr koh wants me to update so badly. heres a quick update. life in jc2 is soooooper hectic so havent had the time to update. so im calling for a hiatus again until i get my life back in order. so here are a few quick highlights in my life to keep u guys updated. really had an enjoyable time surprising last night. auditioning for arts night on tues (doesnt really matter whether we get in or not...its all for the fun of it). planning welcome tea. planning REW (must pray for the whole comm). studystudystudy. passed my maths sub paper but failed chem by half a mark. hopefully dont have to go ssp so tt i can concentrate on cf. will have to start planning for cf camp soon. going to crash orientation on thurs and fri since i end early. today going to surprise another friend for her birthday. studystudystudy. chionging hmwrk.
phew... tts enough updates for u mr koh? haha well hope this post will last u until im free again. well tts it from me for the next few days/weeks/months/years. cyas:)
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
OPEN HOUSE!!!
hey guys, today had open house. really draining but had lots of fun. it was a day well spent and really enjoyed my time even though i was bored during the later parts of the open house. hopefully we have promoted the awareness of CF as a cca and when the new batch of j1s come in they would choose to join cf. well tts it from me today. really tired and need to sleep soon. cyas:)
Today/Yesterday/Tmr
hey guys, just gonna do a quick one. today did my chem sup paper and did my maths sup paper yesterday. thank God they were relatively easy and i managed to do most of the ques. hopefully i pass. haha well there's open house tmr which im sure will be fun. pls pray tt we will be able to garner interest in CF so tt when the j1s come in they would be interested to join CF. well tts it from me for today. cyas:)
Monday, January 11, 2010
Sch Starts Tmr/Today!!!
hey guys, really feel quite down today. as some of u noe, i have managed to get a speaker for the cf camp in june. i was so happy when he said ok but i realised i forgot to clear it with the teachers and pastor joel. so i felt really bad abt tt. i msged ms mai abt it and she said to just check with pastor joel and to not do it again. then pastor joel told me tt it wasnt proper procedure (which i totally noe and felt bad cos of it) and told me to ask pastor ming to send an official invitation to him. i noe they didnt really say anything bad to me but i still feel quite bad tt i made such a mistake. wad if it was someone who is not theologically sound and after inviting the person i had to turn him away? thankfully the person tt i asked was a really good speaker and ms mai and pastor joel had no problems with him.
well im just hoping tt there are no lasting repercussions cos of my dumbness. pls pray for me tt ill learn from this mistake and move on. pray for me also tt ill be alert and be able to do my math sub paper tmr at 2.30pm to the best of my abilities and pray for the cf comm as they prepare the stuff for open house on wed. i wont be able to help them tmr cos ive got the paper and i gotta study for my chem sub paper on tues. well turning in super early today (relatively) so tt ill be well rested tmr. cyas:)
well im just hoping tt there are no lasting repercussions cos of my dumbness. pls pray for me tt ill learn from this mistake and move on. pray for me also tt ill be alert and be able to do my math sub paper tmr at 2.30pm to the best of my abilities and pray for the cf comm as they prepare the stuff for open house on wed. i wont be able to help them tmr cos ive got the paper and i gotta study for my chem sub paper on tues. well turning in super early today (relatively) so tt ill be well rested tmr. cyas:)
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Comfort
hey guys, today was another ordinary day with the game programming course. last lesson today other than the test next sat so YAY!!!! well after tt went for the prayer meeting and really prayed for the church. after tt went for dinner with the church members to sembawang shopping centre and had a nice fellowship. after tt went home and tried to study but quite fail lahs.
well today's qt was on 2 Corinthians 1:3-7. it really shows how God will comfort us and tt we shld respond by comforting others. reflecting upon this, i really feel tt God has comforted me a lot lately and has even sent my friends to comfort me through their care and concern. well im not sure whether i have comforted anyone in turn by i really try to show care and concern to as many pple as possible. not cos of some obligation or wadever but because i truly care for them. i think God has really blessed me with this caring heart and although it can be a burden sometimes (like caring for someone in pain so much tt i feel the pain too), i still feel tt it is a blessing tt it enables me to become a blessing to other pple. so if u are in pain, be assured tt God will comfort u, be it through the pple arnd u or other means. and for those tt have been comforted by God, pass on the comfort to those arnd u tt need it and bless them.
well tts it for my qt. gonna sleep alr if not im gonna fall asleep in church. haha pray for me tt ill be able to stay awake tmr during service and to be able to study tmr. SUB PAPERS ARE REALLY NEAR!!!! oh and pls pray for all the ogls cos i think some of them might be falling sick or losing their voices after the tiring camp and all tt cheering. well tts it for today. cyas:)
well today's qt was on 2 Corinthians 1:3-7. it really shows how God will comfort us and tt we shld respond by comforting others. reflecting upon this, i really feel tt God has comforted me a lot lately and has even sent my friends to comfort me through their care and concern. well im not sure whether i have comforted anyone in turn by i really try to show care and concern to as many pple as possible. not cos of some obligation or wadever but because i truly care for them. i think God has really blessed me with this caring heart and although it can be a burden sometimes (like caring for someone in pain so much tt i feel the pain too), i still feel tt it is a blessing tt it enables me to become a blessing to other pple. so if u are in pain, be assured tt God will comfort u, be it through the pple arnd u or other means. and for those tt have been comforted by God, pass on the comfort to those arnd u tt need it and bless them.
well tts it for my qt. gonna sleep alr if not im gonna fall asleep in church. haha pray for me tt ill be able to stay awake tmr during service and to be able to study tmr. SUB PAPERS ARE REALLY NEAR!!!! oh and pls pray for all the ogls cos i think some of them might be falling sick or losing their voices after the tiring camp and all tt cheering. well tts it for today. cyas:)
Saturday, January 9, 2010
I CANT THINK OF ANY TITLES!!!
hey guys, my creative juices are srsly drained now. cant think of any new title for the post. well i think its either a lack of sleep or stress but my brain is like on dream mode these few days. really cant think.
well today i srsly sort of broke down. sort of went emo today. it first started after dinner when i just got mad at my dad for something tt he did (not gonna tell u wad it was:P) and after tt got really emo. started to really feel a burden in how im serving God and everything. i mean im serving God wholeheartedly in CF but when i look at my church life, i feel tt im not really serving Him in church and additionally, i really dont feel attached to my church the way i think i shld. i mean i like my church and everything but there isnt this feeling tt i will stay in it for the rest of my life. i have grown up in Glory Joy since i was young and i love the pple in there, its just for some reason i feel something missing.
well after my dad and i cleared everything up, i really poured out everything to my parents. u see, im really worried abt how pple see me. i dont really care abt their opinion of me as a person, since really only wad God sees matters, but i want pple to see a good testimony in me. the problem is tt because im so busy with sch and cf, i dont seem very committed in church. my parents have been worried abt my studies and have asked me not to attend cell grp since im alr getting my spiritual feeding through cf. and i mean tts a valid reason but do the youths in my church noe tt? im not really worried abt the older ones cos im sure they understand but for the younger ones, they may think tt its ok to not go for cell grp cos a deacon's son does not go without noeing the true reason why.
i mean even after the yf is implemented i will of course be attending regularly but once in a while i might not be able to go cos of some sch or cf event and the younger ones may think tt its ok to skip yf once in a while. u see, im not really worried abt how they might think of me but im worried of wad they may think its ok without noeing the whole story. tts wad has really burdened me. they might also see me not really actively serving in church and think tt there is no need to serve.
i really feel burdened for these young pple and tts why i really want the yf to succeed. i initially really wanted to help out but thinking abt it, i really do not have the time to commit myself. when i told my parents this, they really understood where im coming from and like told me tt there is a season for everything. this might be the season where im serving God through CF and there may come a season where im helping out in the yf but its all in God's timing. all i have to do is trust God and His timing. and on the being a testimony part, they said it was something tt cannot be helped and the only thing tt i can do is to pray tt they would come to understand the whole story.
well on my church, i really love my church and the adults. i have grown up with them and they have seen me grow. the real problem i find is with myself mainly. i mean i think im just too different from the other church members. i just cant click with them. i can talk to the adults but the age gap is too big tt we cant be close. the youths on the other hand tt are arnd my age and younger have too different a background tt we dont really have much to talk abt. most of them speak more chi than me too so like i dont get some of their jokes. then comes the young adults. they are the grp tt i can speak most comfortably with but cos of the age gap too there comes sort of like a barrier? i noe tt the older guys try to include me in once in a while but i still feel left out sometimes. i noe it cant be helped so im just glad tt they try. so cos of who i am, i really dont feel like i belong in the church. quite ironic rite, i have been in the church longer than any of the young adults or youths but i feel the least belonged. and tts one of the reasons im quite in favour of merging with BCC cos i feel more comfortable with their youths than my own. this has really put some thoughts of changing church in my mind but well tts something for sometime in the far flung future.
when i expressed this to my parents, they told me tt i shld continue to try to integrate myself with the church and tt if really God leads me to another church in the future, they would support me but as long as God has placed me in this church, to make the most out of it. anyways i wouldnt leave the church without seeing the youths grow first. tt is my burden first and foremost and i feel tts wad God wants me to do. maybe now, maybe sometime in the future, ill just have to wait. i still love the church anyways so its not bad staying in this church tt i have grown in.
i mean maybe its cos of the tiredness or stress tt made me think of all these thoughts or maybe its God making me think. i dont noe why i had these feelings but i really thank God for parents who are able to help me through difficult times such as these and friends tt i noe i can talk to. well tmr got the game programming course again. then after tt gonna rush down to the church building for our monthly prayer meeting. pls continue to pray for me tt ill continue to trust God in His timing and for me to have strength for tmr. wow another super long post. thx for reading this if u made it all the way. k then gonna turn in soon. cyas:)
well today i srsly sort of broke down. sort of went emo today. it first started after dinner when i just got mad at my dad for something tt he did (not gonna tell u wad it was:P) and after tt got really emo. started to really feel a burden in how im serving God and everything. i mean im serving God wholeheartedly in CF but when i look at my church life, i feel tt im not really serving Him in church and additionally, i really dont feel attached to my church the way i think i shld. i mean i like my church and everything but there isnt this feeling tt i will stay in it for the rest of my life. i have grown up in Glory Joy since i was young and i love the pple in there, its just for some reason i feel something missing.
well after my dad and i cleared everything up, i really poured out everything to my parents. u see, im really worried abt how pple see me. i dont really care abt their opinion of me as a person, since really only wad God sees matters, but i want pple to see a good testimony in me. the problem is tt because im so busy with sch and cf, i dont seem very committed in church. my parents have been worried abt my studies and have asked me not to attend cell grp since im alr getting my spiritual feeding through cf. and i mean tts a valid reason but do the youths in my church noe tt? im not really worried abt the older ones cos im sure they understand but for the younger ones, they may think tt its ok to not go for cell grp cos a deacon's son does not go without noeing the true reason why.
i mean even after the yf is implemented i will of course be attending regularly but once in a while i might not be able to go cos of some sch or cf event and the younger ones may think tt its ok to skip yf once in a while. u see, im not really worried abt how they might think of me but im worried of wad they may think its ok without noeing the whole story. tts wad has really burdened me. they might also see me not really actively serving in church and think tt there is no need to serve.
i really feel burdened for these young pple and tts why i really want the yf to succeed. i initially really wanted to help out but thinking abt it, i really do not have the time to commit myself. when i told my parents this, they really understood where im coming from and like told me tt there is a season for everything. this might be the season where im serving God through CF and there may come a season where im helping out in the yf but its all in God's timing. all i have to do is trust God and His timing. and on the being a testimony part, they said it was something tt cannot be helped and the only thing tt i can do is to pray tt they would come to understand the whole story.
well on my church, i really love my church and the adults. i have grown up with them and they have seen me grow. the real problem i find is with myself mainly. i mean i think im just too different from the other church members. i just cant click with them. i can talk to the adults but the age gap is too big tt we cant be close. the youths on the other hand tt are arnd my age and younger have too different a background tt we dont really have much to talk abt. most of them speak more chi than me too so like i dont get some of their jokes. then comes the young adults. they are the grp tt i can speak most comfortably with but cos of the age gap too there comes sort of like a barrier? i noe tt the older guys try to include me in once in a while but i still feel left out sometimes. i noe it cant be helped so im just glad tt they try. so cos of who i am, i really dont feel like i belong in the church. quite ironic rite, i have been in the church longer than any of the young adults or youths but i feel the least belonged. and tts one of the reasons im quite in favour of merging with BCC cos i feel more comfortable with their youths than my own. this has really put some thoughts of changing church in my mind but well tts something for sometime in the far flung future.
when i expressed this to my parents, they told me tt i shld continue to try to integrate myself with the church and tt if really God leads me to another church in the future, they would support me but as long as God has placed me in this church, to make the most out of it. anyways i wouldnt leave the church without seeing the youths grow first. tt is my burden first and foremost and i feel tts wad God wants me to do. maybe now, maybe sometime in the future, ill just have to wait. i still love the church anyways so its not bad staying in this church tt i have grown in.
i mean maybe its cos of the tiredness or stress tt made me think of all these thoughts or maybe its God making me think. i dont noe why i had these feelings but i really thank God for parents who are able to help me through difficult times such as these and friends tt i noe i can talk to. well tmr got the game programming course again. then after tt gonna rush down to the church building for our monthly prayer meeting. pls continue to pray for me tt ill continue to trust God in His timing and for me to have strength for tmr. wow another super long post. thx for reading this if u made it all the way. k then gonna turn in soon. cyas:)
Friday, January 8, 2010
Treasures
hey guys, really boring day today again. really regret paying the 1500 bucks to suck my holidays away. at least i get to study. stayed back after the class to study and to pass to jan the yjc chem papers tt i helped her print out (a*hem 7 *cough* pm). haha anyways i enjoy helping pple so staying back for a little while wasnt tt big a deal. anyways ill start on my qt first and update abt my life ltr:)
well today's qt is on Luke 12:13-21. go read it first. well srsly i feel really guilty after reading this passage as im always caught by earthly treasures. money, games, COMICS. well i noe tt me buying these things arent bad but sometimes i find myself more focused on getting these earthly treasures tt i neglect to use the money for heavenly treasures. i mean i dont help pple for the heavenly treasures but i find myself not willing to help pple cos i would rather keep the money tt i have to buy something tt i want. well thank God tt i have been changing more and more especially since last yr and this passage has also reminded me of how much God has changed me and now i dont really mind spending money to help pple out.
well earthly treasures may seem very attractive but there is really no greater joy than using these treasures for heavenly purposes. so lets all use our earthly treasures to help others instead of keeping them to ourselves. use our earthly treasures to bless other pple. i mean tts wad i believe why we are blessed with so many earthly treasures. its to share the blessings with other pple and to show them God's love. even if u do not have many earthly treasures, share wad u have. wads the use of earthly treasures anyways if we dont use them to show God's love since we cant take them with us to heaven.
haha well tts it for my qt. tmr yet again im going to sch. might be having dinner at ikea if everything goes rite. pray tt the paint store at dover has the varnish tt jiap needs cos if not i might have to make my way to somewhere else to find it. well pls pray for me too tt ill be able to last through the class tmr and tt ill be able to study well even with the noise of the ogls cheering. but more imptantly, pls pray for the ogls again. i can see tt they are really really really tired after everyday and like 3 days in a row of cheering and high-ness is really no joke so pls pray for them to have the strength to last through the last day and for them to stay healthy and safe tmr. well tts it from me today. gonna turn in nowz. cyas:)
well today's qt is on Luke 12:13-21. go read it first. well srsly i feel really guilty after reading this passage as im always caught by earthly treasures. money, games, COMICS. well i noe tt me buying these things arent bad but sometimes i find myself more focused on getting these earthly treasures tt i neglect to use the money for heavenly treasures. i mean i dont help pple for the heavenly treasures but i find myself not willing to help pple cos i would rather keep the money tt i have to buy something tt i want. well thank God tt i have been changing more and more especially since last yr and this passage has also reminded me of how much God has changed me and now i dont really mind spending money to help pple out.
well earthly treasures may seem very attractive but there is really no greater joy than using these treasures for heavenly purposes. so lets all use our earthly treasures to help others instead of keeping them to ourselves. use our earthly treasures to bless other pple. i mean tts wad i believe why we are blessed with so many earthly treasures. its to share the blessings with other pple and to show them God's love. even if u do not have many earthly treasures, share wad u have. wads the use of earthly treasures anyways if we dont use them to show God's love since we cant take them with us to heaven.
haha well tts it for my qt. tmr yet again im going to sch. might be having dinner at ikea if everything goes rite. pray tt the paint store at dover has the varnish tt jiap needs cos if not i might have to make my way to somewhere else to find it. well pls pray for me too tt ill be able to last through the class tmr and tt ill be able to study well even with the noise of the ogls cheering. but more imptantly, pls pray for the ogls again. i can see tt they are really really really tired after everyday and like 3 days in a row of cheering and high-ness is really no joke so pls pray for them to have the strength to last through the last day and for them to stay healthy and safe tmr. well tts it from me today. gonna turn in nowz. cyas:)
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Post 65!!
hey guys, boring day today doing the game programming thing. well at least i got to study today. so glad i could help some pple out today bringing stuff tt pris and jo needed for their camp. i srsly enjoy helping pple out. dont noe why...im wierd tt way. well at least my trip to sch wasent wasted.
well todays qt really struck me (i realised i use the word struck alot). well if u read my cbox, joyce asked me not to wry so much and guess wad my qt is? its on Matthew 6:25-34. (go take ur bible, ill wait:) well the passage made me reflect and i asked myself, "why shld i wry when God will take care of me?" i guess its human nature but i feel as though God is telling me tt He will bring me through this period. tt He will bring me through my sub papers. and after thinking somemore, i asked myself, "then wad abt the girl? there is no problem too small for God and He will bring me through this problem too. all i have to do is trust Him." i mean im sure He has a time for everything and if it is in His will, the relationship will happen in His time. i just have to act like how i am and let God take care of the rest.
i think tt this topic abt wrying and trust has been talked abt alot in this blog so i wont bore u guys. its really true tt during different times, the same topic can impact u differently. i mean before i wouldnt have applied "Do Not Worry" to a relationship but during this period, i see it differently and how to apply it in this part of my life. tts one of the things tt i have taken out of the YA silent retreat is tt at different stages and times of ur life, the same passage can mean different things to u. so like if u see a passage during ur qt tt u have read 28319874914981724 times before, dont toss it aside and look for another passage, read it and meditate upon it again. who noes wad new insights u can gleam from the same passage.
well gonna turn in now. slightly earlier than normal but well im dead tired from the whole day in sch. but im sure the ogls are even more deader and tireder so pls pray for them tt they will stay healthy and tt they will be safe tmr. k then tts it for today. cyas:)
well todays qt really struck me (i realised i use the word struck alot). well if u read my cbox, joyce asked me not to wry so much and guess wad my qt is? its on Matthew 6:25-34. (go take ur bible, ill wait:) well the passage made me reflect and i asked myself, "why shld i wry when God will take care of me?" i guess its human nature but i feel as though God is telling me tt He will bring me through this period. tt He will bring me through my sub papers. and after thinking somemore, i asked myself, "then wad abt the girl? there is no problem too small for God and He will bring me through this problem too. all i have to do is trust Him." i mean im sure He has a time for everything and if it is in His will, the relationship will happen in His time. i just have to act like how i am and let God take care of the rest.
i think tt this topic abt wrying and trust has been talked abt alot in this blog so i wont bore u guys. its really true tt during different times, the same topic can impact u differently. i mean before i wouldnt have applied "Do Not Worry" to a relationship but during this period, i see it differently and how to apply it in this part of my life. tts one of the things tt i have taken out of the YA silent retreat is tt at different stages and times of ur life, the same passage can mean different things to u. so like if u see a passage during ur qt tt u have read 28319874914981724 times before, dont toss it aside and look for another passage, read it and meditate upon it again. who noes wad new insights u can gleam from the same passage.
well gonna turn in now. slightly earlier than normal but well im dead tired from the whole day in sch. but im sure the ogls are even more deader and tireder so pls pray for them tt they will stay healthy and tt they will be safe tmr. k then tts it for today. cyas:)
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
SIANZZZZZ
hey guys, gonna keep this quite short hopefully cos ive gotta go to sch tmr. having my stupid game programming course again which is gonna suck up all of my time hence the title. hopefully can get some studying done during the breaks. well im gonna start on my qt and talk more after tt:)
well i finished my daily bread alr so i used a passage tt was given during the YA silent retreat for my qt. it was on Proverbs 3:1-10:
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.
and like it really spoke to me. well u noe how stressed i have been lately, the famous verse 3:5-6 really reminded me to continue to trust in Him even though i dont noe where He is leading me. just noe tt it is for the best. and verse 9-10 really spoke to me as well:
9 Honor the LORD with your wealth,
with the firstfruits of all your crops;
10 then your barns will be filled to overflowing,
and your vats will brim over with new wine.
i mean sometimes we dont want to give tithes cos i prevents us from buying things tt we want. i admit tt i have felt tt way before but this really goes to show tt if u give unto God, He will give unto u. i mean technically, everything tt we have belongs to Him rite? but He is just asking us for a meagre 10% of our income. how can we not give tt 10% unto Him? i really feel guilty for having placed material wealth before Him in the past and have really decided to give Him tithes every month. it is just something tt we as Christians shld do. some of us might say, "oh im too young. im not working yet. i dont have an income." but wad abt our allowance? isnt tt something tt God has blessed us with? well then we shld give Him 10% of tt too. and we shldnt just stop there. tithes is totally different from offering and we shld still give offering. really we shld give unto God wad we have. isnt the promise of blessing us incentive enough?
well tts it for the qt. gonna be going to sch tmr as i said above. really really really sian. the ogls are having camp tmr so pls pray for them tt they will be safe and have fun. well tts it from me today. cyas:)
well i finished my daily bread alr so i used a passage tt was given during the YA silent retreat for my qt. it was on Proverbs 3:1-10:
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.
and like it really spoke to me. well u noe how stressed i have been lately, the famous verse 3:5-6 really reminded me to continue to trust in Him even though i dont noe where He is leading me. just noe tt it is for the best. and verse 9-10 really spoke to me as well:
9 Honor the LORD with your wealth,
with the firstfruits of all your crops;
10 then your barns will be filled to overflowing,
and your vats will brim over with new wine.
i mean sometimes we dont want to give tithes cos i prevents us from buying things tt we want. i admit tt i have felt tt way before but this really goes to show tt if u give unto God, He will give unto u. i mean technically, everything tt we have belongs to Him rite? but He is just asking us for a meagre 10% of our income. how can we not give tt 10% unto Him? i really feel guilty for having placed material wealth before Him in the past and have really decided to give Him tithes every month. it is just something tt we as Christians shld do. some of us might say, "oh im too young. im not working yet. i dont have an income." but wad abt our allowance? isnt tt something tt God has blessed us with? well then we shld give Him 10% of tt too. and we shldnt just stop there. tithes is totally different from offering and we shld still give offering. really we shld give unto God wad we have. isnt the promise of blessing us incentive enough?
well tts it for the qt. gonna be going to sch tmr as i said above. really really really sian. the ogls are having camp tmr so pls pray for them tt they will be safe and have fun. well tts it from me today. cyas:)
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
YAY TUITION!!!!
heys guys, gonna keep it short today cos im gonna continue studying after this. finally got a tuition teacher and he is not bad. having tuition tmr again and hopefully he can help me pass promos. really thank God for him and joyce who intro'ed him to me.
dont noe why but im still quite confused over how im feeling. maybe cos im in sort of an isolation and need to meet pple. suddenly im a pple person. so wierd. i mean i used to like being alone with my com and playing but nowadays after a few hrs on the com i really feel tt i need to talk to someone. and i dont mean msn, i mean someone face to face. i feel as though im wasting my life spending it alone cos wads the use of living if u dont impact someone's life? i find tt as long as i spend time with someone, im making a difference to his/her/its life. it doesnt matter if its just to chat or to play lan or wadever but by spending time with someone, i think tt they would feel tt they matter to u. wouldnt u want to feel like u matter to someone? and the time tt u spend listening to someone's problems i feel is the best time tt friends can have together. it doesnt matter if u cannot do anything abt it but i feel tt a listening ear and an encouraging word can do wonders to how someone feels.
i just really enjoy being with pple and making a difference to their lives by spending time with them. so it really aches me to be stuck at home wasting my life through. but me being stuck here doesnt mean u have to. (except to those grounded...im sry) go out and spend time with ur friends. be there for them and show someone tt they matter.
well tts it for now. I NEED MY FRIENDS!!!! i really miss my friends. its just been 2 days since the cf bbq but i need pple!!! i noe i have God and i really enjoy my time with Him but there are no pple tt i can share His love with. cant wait for sch to start. omp since when did i change so much? i still rmb when i would love to pon sch. haha well cant wait to see u guys again. gonna go study nows. cyas:)
dont noe why but im still quite confused over how im feeling. maybe cos im in sort of an isolation and need to meet pple. suddenly im a pple person. so wierd. i mean i used to like being alone with my com and playing but nowadays after a few hrs on the com i really feel tt i need to talk to someone. and i dont mean msn, i mean someone face to face. i feel as though im wasting my life spending it alone cos wads the use of living if u dont impact someone's life? i find tt as long as i spend time with someone, im making a difference to his/her/its life. it doesnt matter if its just to chat or to play lan or wadever but by spending time with someone, i think tt they would feel tt they matter to u. wouldnt u want to feel like u matter to someone? and the time tt u spend listening to someone's problems i feel is the best time tt friends can have together. it doesnt matter if u cannot do anything abt it but i feel tt a listening ear and an encouraging word can do wonders to how someone feels.
i just really enjoy being with pple and making a difference to their lives by spending time with them. so it really aches me to be stuck at home wasting my life through. but me being stuck here doesnt mean u have to. (except to those grounded...im sry) go out and spend time with ur friends. be there for them and show someone tt they matter.
well tts it for now. I NEED MY FRIENDS!!!! i really miss my friends. its just been 2 days since the cf bbq but i need pple!!! i noe i have God and i really enjoy my time with Him but there are no pple tt i can share His love with. cant wait for sch to start. omp since when did i change so much? i still rmb when i would love to pon sch. haha well cant wait to see u guys again. gonna go study nows. cyas:)
Monday, January 4, 2010
I Dont Noe Wad To Do
hey guys, totally wierd day i had today. i have had like conflicting feelings the whole day and i think i might be going through mood swings. haha dont noe for wad reason.
well today started off quite badly with a headache but i managed to get something out of church today. the theme for this yr in church is discipleship which of course is very close to my heart. as the discipleship ic i really feel burdened (in a good way) with the discipleship and i really want to run it well. the sermon was really good as pastor lai preached on wad a disciple was. in my dream like state i still managed to gleam some pts from the sermon and i really cant wait for cf to start again so tt i can continue the discipleship prog.
after lunch (and cutting my hair) i came home and took a nap after showering and woke up at 5. i dreamt tt i totally broke down from the stress of sch wrk and tried committing suicide (dont wry im not tt stupid) but i think tt showed me how stressed out i really am cos i guess dreams are part of ur subconcious? well anyways didnt really have much of a mood to study the whole day so i went to read some comics and talk to my parents.
after dinner until now, ive been hooked on the com. but not just cos im playing. ive been hooked on these vids on youtube which led me to this really good website where they post sermons called lifechurch.tv at www.lifechurch.tv. check the msgs out. i find some of them quite good.
then like towards midnight, for some reason i cant stop thinking abt the girl and im like totally getting distracted. which totally proves my theory tt i get more distracted before a relationship than when i get into one. maybe im just wierd tt way? anyways i feel really down rite now for some reason or another. i like totally gave up going after the girl but i cant stop thinking abt her. WHY?! ive been praying for God to help me not get distracted but why am i still distracted by the thought of her? im srsly quite 烦 (woah ME using chi) rite now and i just want to concentrate on studying.
poh like asked me to go to sch and study with him tmr but im like too tired to leave the house and want to spend as much time at home as possible cos im gonna have to start going to sch again when my digipen course starts again from 6-9 and on the 16 again. super sianzzzzzz. anyways ill be wasting travel time too. oh ive finally found a maths tuition teacher thx to joyce. YAY!!! she just introduced me to him today and like he is so efficient unlike weiying's one. haha he like msged me back quite fast and im having tuition tmr nite. hopefully the 2 hrs can at least help me pass the sub paper. and since he is coming i dont think its necessary to go to sch to ask poh abt maths. well gonna turn in now so tt i can wake up early tmr. yesterday's post made me sleep super late and i dont think i want to repeat tt again. but at least tt post was therapeutic. cyas:)
well today started off quite badly with a headache but i managed to get something out of church today. the theme for this yr in church is discipleship which of course is very close to my heart. as the discipleship ic i really feel burdened (in a good way) with the discipleship and i really want to run it well. the sermon was really good as pastor lai preached on wad a disciple was. in my dream like state i still managed to gleam some pts from the sermon and i really cant wait for cf to start again so tt i can continue the discipleship prog.
after lunch (and cutting my hair) i came home and took a nap after showering and woke up at 5. i dreamt tt i totally broke down from the stress of sch wrk and tried committing suicide (dont wry im not tt stupid) but i think tt showed me how stressed out i really am cos i guess dreams are part of ur subconcious? well anyways didnt really have much of a mood to study the whole day so i went to read some comics and talk to my parents.
after dinner until now, ive been hooked on the com. but not just cos im playing. ive been hooked on these vids on youtube which led me to this really good website where they post sermons called lifechurch.tv at www.lifechurch.tv. check the msgs out. i find some of them quite good.
then like towards midnight, for some reason i cant stop thinking abt the girl and im like totally getting distracted. which totally proves my theory tt i get more distracted before a relationship than when i get into one. maybe im just wierd tt way? anyways i feel really down rite now for some reason or another. i like totally gave up going after the girl but i cant stop thinking abt her. WHY?! ive been praying for God to help me not get distracted but why am i still distracted by the thought of her? im srsly quite 烦 (woah ME using chi) rite now and i just want to concentrate on studying.
poh like asked me to go to sch and study with him tmr but im like too tired to leave the house and want to spend as much time at home as possible cos im gonna have to start going to sch again when my digipen course starts again from 6-9 and on the 16 again. super sianzzzzzz. anyways ill be wasting travel time too. oh ive finally found a maths tuition teacher thx to joyce. YAY!!! she just introduced me to him today and like he is so efficient unlike weiying's one. haha he like msged me back quite fast and im having tuition tmr nite. hopefully the 2 hrs can at least help me pass the sub paper. and since he is coming i dont think its necessary to go to sch to ask poh abt maths. well gonna turn in now so tt i can wake up early tmr. yesterday's post made me sleep super late and i dont think i want to repeat tt again. but at least tt post was therapeutic. cyas:)
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Stuff That I Want To Say
hey guys, got a lot of things weighing on my mind today and so this will be a reeeeaaaaaaaalllllllllyyyyyyyy long post. well i didnt post yesterday cos i was busy playing guitar hero world tour tt i just got until 11pm and after tt went to pick up my sis from the budget terminal (which is really budget) cos she came back from hong kong. well tt was yesterday and today i really enjoyed myself fellowshipping with the cf-ers at the bbq gathering. but well, i was still thinking abt my wrk at tt time and was still quite stressed over it. and tts where the problems started...
well the hols are coming to an end and well, as usual im stressed out over my studies, over the cf prog for next yr and although i shldnt be, the yf situation at church. im gonna be ranting over my probs in the above areas next so as always, if u cant stand my ranting, just skip over the next few paras.
so as most of u noe, ive got sub papers at the start of the sch yr. and well...im still way behind on my revision and my maths is killing me. i noe i get distracted really often but tts not the main prob. its tt i keep not noeing how to do the ques and its just really frustrating. a lot of pple have told me tt i can look for them for help but i really dont want to bother them. the tuition teacher tt weiying introduced to me has not told me when he is free yet so i basically have no help. i just really feel lost when i get down to wrk so i think tts why i distract myself further with either the com or going out. but i still am reminded abt my wrk somehow and i guess tt makes me more stressed when im out cos i feel like i shld be studying instead of being outside.
the cf schedule is not really the stressful thing rite now. its just tt with all the distractions and stress from mainly the studying i have to do, i cant really focus on the schedule and praying abt it. and well tts quite frustrating. i seek the Lord for help but the waiting is also the killer rite now. i have to send out all these things to the comm and teachers but i dont seem to have any direction from God. i feel God is slowly speaking to me and i have a direction for some of it but its like the other parts are missing. and so as i wait upon the Lord, sometimes i get frustrated with why He isnt speaking to me.
then comes the yf. i noe im not really responsible for it or anything so i shldnt feel stressed but i still do feel somewhat responsible for it. tts why i have been going arnd giving my opinions to anyone who would hear them. i feel responsible cos i feel tt God has put me in cf for the experience and exposure to this kind of thing and i just feel responsible to all those pple tt we have lost and for those tt have not been fed to bring them back and to feed them. so i feel somewhat powerless to fulfil this sense of responsibility tt i have and well tts srsly frustrating. like have u felt the burden to do something but had no power to do anything abt it? tts how i totally feel rite now. i mean i dont want to overstep my boundaries (my parents taught me well k?) and like ask to be in the comm cos its being run by the young adults.
well tt is basically wads burdening my heart rite now and well i really thank God for such great friends and a really great comm to help me through this time. kim has really helped me in coming out with the direction for this yr and jiap has really encouraged me to wrk hard for my studies and to trust Him always. just before writing this post, jiap talked to me abt my studies and her words really encouraged me. and i really thank God for the rest of my comm who are always there whenever i need someone to talk to, especially jan. my fam has also really been a blessing to me with my parents being so understanding abt my results and my fam helping me in my spiritual walk with God and being a sound board for all my thoughts abt the yf. oh and guess wad, after doing my qt, He has shown me the rest of His plan for discipleship. Praise the Lord!!
i think tt God is really teaching me abt trusting Him and realising the pple tt He has blessed me with.
but yet another thing really struck me quite recently. i have been having some sort of identity crisis lately and well i dont really noe wad to do. for all my friends tt i say im close to, i think only a few have seen all my diff personalities. maybe i have a case of split personalities or wadever it may be, i just find tt its so difficult for pple to truly noe me. the pple in cf noe me as the nice, happy person (i think) but some pple who do not noe me tt well may think im this mean person who likes to suan pple (IM ONLY JOKING!!!). to my class im this quiet person who sleeps during class. to my churchies who im not really close to, im this serious, quiet but nice person and to those who noe me better, the fun, nice person. i find tt i used to be really quiet but since joining cf, i have become more sociable. im try to always be nice (hopefully tt can be seen) but i like to joke a lot (yea i noe a lot of it can be really lame) and so pple who used to think of me as this serious person dont really get my jokes and think tt im serious when im joking. its like really hard cos those who noe me noe tt im joking while those tt dont noe me would think im serious and have a bad impression of me. but i find tt if i change myself further, im gonna have a really serious case of an identity crisis. who am i really, the nice, caring, quiet, serious guy? or the nice, caring, fun-loving, joking guy? well at least the two identities are similar in tt im both nice and caring and well tts just who i am (i hope). could u pls let me noe who u think i am? do i really seem like the fun-loving, joking guy or is tt all in my head? do u find tt im nice or caring? or is tt in my head to? i think i just realised i have self-esteem issues but tts for another post. i just need everyone to noe who i am. i just need to noe tt first.
well i think tts all ive gotta say today. i really thank God for reminding me to trust in Him and to thank Him for all the blessings tt He has given me. gonna sleep now cos got church tmr. wow i just spent 1 hr typing this. haha ok ill just leave u with this vid. rmb my first ever post where i said tt this vid tt jiap showed spoke to me? well saw it on the salt blog and found it on youtube so here it is.
cyas:)
well the hols are coming to an end and well, as usual im stressed out over my studies, over the cf prog for next yr and although i shldnt be, the yf situation at church. im gonna be ranting over my probs in the above areas next so as always, if u cant stand my ranting, just skip over the next few paras.
so as most of u noe, ive got sub papers at the start of the sch yr. and well...im still way behind on my revision and my maths is killing me. i noe i get distracted really often but tts not the main prob. its tt i keep not noeing how to do the ques and its just really frustrating. a lot of pple have told me tt i can look for them for help but i really dont want to bother them. the tuition teacher tt weiying introduced to me has not told me when he is free yet so i basically have no help. i just really feel lost when i get down to wrk so i think tts why i distract myself further with either the com or going out. but i still am reminded abt my wrk somehow and i guess tt makes me more stressed when im out cos i feel like i shld be studying instead of being outside.
the cf schedule is not really the stressful thing rite now. its just tt with all the distractions and stress from mainly the studying i have to do, i cant really focus on the schedule and praying abt it. and well tts quite frustrating. i seek the Lord for help but the waiting is also the killer rite now. i have to send out all these things to the comm and teachers but i dont seem to have any direction from God. i feel God is slowly speaking to me and i have a direction for some of it but its like the other parts are missing. and so as i wait upon the Lord, sometimes i get frustrated with why He isnt speaking to me.
then comes the yf. i noe im not really responsible for it or anything so i shldnt feel stressed but i still do feel somewhat responsible for it. tts why i have been going arnd giving my opinions to anyone who would hear them. i feel responsible cos i feel tt God has put me in cf for the experience and exposure to this kind of thing and i just feel responsible to all those pple tt we have lost and for those tt have not been fed to bring them back and to feed them. so i feel somewhat powerless to fulfil this sense of responsibility tt i have and well tts srsly frustrating. like have u felt the burden to do something but had no power to do anything abt it? tts how i totally feel rite now. i mean i dont want to overstep my boundaries (my parents taught me well k?) and like ask to be in the comm cos its being run by the young adults.
well tt is basically wads burdening my heart rite now and well i really thank God for such great friends and a really great comm to help me through this time. kim has really helped me in coming out with the direction for this yr and jiap has really encouraged me to wrk hard for my studies and to trust Him always. just before writing this post, jiap talked to me abt my studies and her words really encouraged me. and i really thank God for the rest of my comm who are always there whenever i need someone to talk to, especially jan. my fam has also really been a blessing to me with my parents being so understanding abt my results and my fam helping me in my spiritual walk with God and being a sound board for all my thoughts abt the yf. oh and guess wad, after doing my qt, He has shown me the rest of His plan for discipleship. Praise the Lord!!
i think tt God is really teaching me abt trusting Him and realising the pple tt He has blessed me with.
but yet another thing really struck me quite recently. i have been having some sort of identity crisis lately and well i dont really noe wad to do. for all my friends tt i say im close to, i think only a few have seen all my diff personalities. maybe i have a case of split personalities or wadever it may be, i just find tt its so difficult for pple to truly noe me. the pple in cf noe me as the nice, happy person (i think) but some pple who do not noe me tt well may think im this mean person who likes to suan pple (IM ONLY JOKING!!!). to my class im this quiet person who sleeps during class. to my churchies who im not really close to, im this serious, quiet but nice person and to those who noe me better, the fun, nice person. i find tt i used to be really quiet but since joining cf, i have become more sociable. im try to always be nice (hopefully tt can be seen) but i like to joke a lot (yea i noe a lot of it can be really lame) and so pple who used to think of me as this serious person dont really get my jokes and think tt im serious when im joking. its like really hard cos those who noe me noe tt im joking while those tt dont noe me would think im serious and have a bad impression of me. but i find tt if i change myself further, im gonna have a really serious case of an identity crisis. who am i really, the nice, caring, quiet, serious guy? or the nice, caring, fun-loving, joking guy? well at least the two identities are similar in tt im both nice and caring and well tts just who i am (i hope). could u pls let me noe who u think i am? do i really seem like the fun-loving, joking guy or is tt all in my head? do u find tt im nice or caring? or is tt in my head to? i think i just realised i have self-esteem issues but tts for another post. i just need everyone to noe who i am. i just need to noe tt first.
well i think tts all ive gotta say today. i really thank God for reminding me to trust in Him and to thank Him for all the blessings tt He has given me. gonna sleep now cos got church tmr. wow i just spent 1 hr typing this. haha ok ill just leave u with this vid. rmb my first ever post where i said tt this vid tt jiap showed spoke to me? well saw it on the salt blog and found it on youtube so here it is.
cyas:)
Friday, January 1, 2010
HAPPY NEW YEAR
hey guys, gonna keep it short today. forgot to post last nite after studying so much. had a great time yesterday fellowshiping with the senior and junior comms and really had fun play street fighter IV. really felt the joy when i saw how happy they were when they opened their presents. it is indeed much greater to give than to receive. after tt had dinner at kap with andrea and ian and had a great time chatting with them.
so i had a great time at watch night service toady and the fellowship after tt. cant believe its 2010 alr. time has really passed so fast. the past yr has been filled with regrets over my time spent not studying and sleeping in class but it has really been a milestone in my Christian life and was a yr where i met many great pple tt i hope will stay in contact with through the rest of my life. the j2s (j3s?) have come into my life and have now gone on to their next stages in their lives but i hope tt i have impacted their lives in some way or another in the brief yr tt we were together and i hope tt we will continue to be each other's lives even as they go on with their lives.
pastor lai gave a really compelling sermon today and has really inspired me to wrk harder in the new yr as i want it to be a milestone yr and not an ordinary, time wasted yr. hopefully i will impact the lives of my juniors and will continue to impact the lives of the people in my batch. as the yr closed, gliderz to will be closing to make way for the yf in church. i entered the gliderz comm last yr and have really benefited from it, maybe not spiritually but more of learning new things. hopefully i will make an impact as the yf is being implemented and this yr will be the start of something new (HSM!!!) and something great tt will further His kingdom. hopefully ill be able to honour God through my studies and through my wrk in CF.
the yr ahead will be fraught with trials and tests but with God by my side and with myself walking closely with God (its a 2-way thing). im sure tt He will bring me through the yr a more matured person and a better person overall. i pray tt at the end of this yr, ill be able to look back and be proud of wad i have done and will always rmb this yr for the milestones tt i have made.
well tts my thoughts on the new yr and pls post ur new yr's resolutions (if any) on my cbox. haha so tt we can all help u fulfill ur resolutions (i noe how hard it is to keep one). i think tt in the end there wont be any but no harm in asking. well gonna watch some vids before turning in. GONNA GET GUITAR HERO 4 TMR!!! haha cant wait. well tts it from me today then. cyas:)
so i had a great time at watch night service toady and the fellowship after tt. cant believe its 2010 alr. time has really passed so fast. the past yr has been filled with regrets over my time spent not studying and sleeping in class but it has really been a milestone in my Christian life and was a yr where i met many great pple tt i hope will stay in contact with through the rest of my life. the j2s (j3s?) have come into my life and have now gone on to their next stages in their lives but i hope tt i have impacted their lives in some way or another in the brief yr tt we were together and i hope tt we will continue to be each other's lives even as they go on with their lives.
pastor lai gave a really compelling sermon today and has really inspired me to wrk harder in the new yr as i want it to be a milestone yr and not an ordinary, time wasted yr. hopefully i will impact the lives of my juniors and will continue to impact the lives of the people in my batch. as the yr closed, gliderz to will be closing to make way for the yf in church. i entered the gliderz comm last yr and have really benefited from it, maybe not spiritually but more of learning new things. hopefully i will make an impact as the yf is being implemented and this yr will be the start of something new (HSM!!!) and something great tt will further His kingdom. hopefully ill be able to honour God through my studies and through my wrk in CF.
the yr ahead will be fraught with trials and tests but with God by my side and with myself walking closely with God (its a 2-way thing). im sure tt He will bring me through the yr a more matured person and a better person overall. i pray tt at the end of this yr, ill be able to look back and be proud of wad i have done and will always rmb this yr for the milestones tt i have made.
well tts my thoughts on the new yr and pls post ur new yr's resolutions (if any) on my cbox. haha so tt we can all help u fulfill ur resolutions (i noe how hard it is to keep one). i think tt in the end there wont be any but no harm in asking. well gonna watch some vids before turning in. GONNA GET GUITAR HERO 4 TMR!!! haha cant wait. well tts it from me today then. cyas:)
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